DOOMATES đ§Ż | March Edition đŚď¸
Hey there, Doomate!
Hey there, Doomate!
Phew, we cut it closeâit's March 31 and we're finally sending you the March newsletter. â° Just in time, as always.
Welcome back to the doomscroll you actually enjoy. This month, we're dragging billionaires (again), laughing at fossil fuel taglines, and tearing down the most performative climate ritual of all: Earth Hourâ˘. If youâre tired of being told to save the planet by candlelight while oil rigs burn through the nightâstick around.
Letâs get into the mess.
đŞ Astro-Doom
The Arnault Ascendancy
Pisces are supposed to be the zodiacâs most compassionate, dreamy, deeply caring sign. So how the hell is Bernard Arnaultâa luxury overlord with a net worth north of $186 billionâone of you? 𫨠Pardon our French.
Born March 5, Arnault floats somewhere near the top of the richest-people-on-Earth list, yet heâs made it crystal clear: âLower consumption is not our objective.â Translation? Biodiversity can rotâas long as Dior hits quarterly targets.
Arnault owns major media outlets (Le Parisien, Paris Match) and has cozy ties to far-right politics. He even showed up at Trumpâs second inaugurationâbecause of course he did đ. You donât spell âoligarchyâ without LVMH. So this March, channel your inner anti-Arnault. Be the Pisces he refuses to be. Compassion over couture. Climate over clout.
𪢠Guess the Tagline
Can you match the fossil fuel company to its real-life, PR-approved, totally-not-a-joke tagline?
Answers: A â BP, B â Saudi Aramco, C â Chevron, D â Shell, E â ExxonMobil, F â TotalEnergies
đŻď¸ Earth Hour⢠Reminder
On March 29, Earth Hour invites you to turn off your lights for one hour to âshow you care.â Because nothing says systemic change like moody vibes and a flickering scented candle. Right? RIGHT??
Quick reality check: Earth Hour is the perfect symbol of climate inaction. It asks individuals to perform darkness, while fossil fuel giants keep the lights blazing on oil rigs worldwide đ˘ď¸đިâ ď¸. Worse, it pushes the myth that climate action means living like itâs the Middle Agesâby candlelight, off-grid, and guilt-ridden.
You know what actual climate action looks like? Keeping the lights on, powered by a grid that isnât bankrolled by Exxon. Itâs public transit that works, homes that donât burn gas, and billionaires that donât exist.
So this Earth Hour, donât turn off the lights. Turn up the pressure đ§¨.
đAny News from Luigi?
Luigiâs still in jail, but heâs keeping busyâmostly reviewing the 15,000 pages of evidence stacked against him (casual bedtime reading, really). He requested a laptop to speed things up, but the prosecutors freaked out đ. Luigi just wanted to read PDFs, not stage a prison break. Meanwhile, the internet has turned him into a full-blown folk hero, complete with memes, merch, and maybe a future biopic starring TimothĂŠe Chalamet. Justice system pending. Eyebrows? Undefeated.
𫵠Call to Action
Oh, youâre still here? Good. Because weâve got a workshop for you.
Apparently, âGreed is a curable diseaseââand The Climate Propagandist, along with the Planet Poster Awards đ is hosting a free workshop to help you turn rage and sarcasm into actual creative weapons. You know, the fun stuff.
đ April 10th, 2025
đ 5-6:30PM CEST / 11-12:30 EDT
đ Online: Click here to join
Skip the feel-good campaigns and make something that actually pisses people offâin a good way.





I did not expect to be so far removed from petro-culture that I didnât know any of the taglines đŹ
https://www.climatebonds.net/2025/04/new-%E2%80%9C5-degree-fund%E2%80%9D-seek-investment-opportunities-climate-collapse
Found some inspiration for your next edition!