DOOMATES 🧯 | March Edition 🌦️

Hey there, Doomate!

Hey there, Doomate!

Phew, we cut it close—it's March 31 and we're finally sending you the March newsletter. ⏰ Just in time, as always.

Welcome back to the doomscroll you actually enjoy. This month, we're dragging billionaires (again), laughing at fossil fuel taglines, and tearing down the most performative climate ritual of all: Earth Hour™. If you’re tired of being told to save the planet by candlelight while oil rigs burn through the night—stick around.

Let’s get into the mess.

🪐 Astro-Doom

The Arnault Ascendancy

Pisces are supposed to be the zodiac’s most compassionate, dreamy, deeply caring sign. So how the hell is Bernard Arnault—a luxury overlord with a net worth north of $186 billion—one of you? 🫨 Pardon our French.

Born March 5, Arnault floats somewhere near the top of the richest-people-on-Earth list, yet he’s made it crystal clear: “Lower consumption is not our objective.” Translation? Biodiversity can rot—as long as Dior hits quarterly targets.

Arnault owns major media outlets (Le Parisien, Paris Match) and has cozy ties to far-right politics. He even showed up at Trump’s second inauguration—because of course he did 🙄. You don’t spell “oligarchy” without LVMH. So this March, channel your inner anti-Arnault. Be the Pisces he refuses to be. Compassion over couture. Climate over clout.

🪢 Guess the Tagline

Can you match the fossil fuel company to its real-life, PR-approved, totally-not-a-joke tagline?

Answers: A – BP, B – Saudi Aramco, C – Chevron, D – Shell, E – ExxonMobil, F – TotalEnergies

🕯️ Earth Hour™ Reminder

On March 29, Earth Hour invites you to turn off your lights for one hour to “show you care.” Because nothing says systemic change like moody vibes and a flickering scented candle. Right? RIGHT??

Quick reality check: Earth Hour is the perfect symbol of climate inaction. It asks individuals to perform darkness, while fossil fuel giants keep the lights blazing on oil rigs worldwide 🛢️🪨☠️. Worse, it pushes the myth that climate action means living like it’s the Middle Ages—by candlelight, off-grid, and guilt-ridden.

You know what actual climate action looks like? Keeping the lights on, powered by a grid that isn’t bankrolled by Exxon. It’s public transit that works, homes that don’t burn gas, and billionaires that don’t exist.

So this Earth Hour, don’t turn off the lights. Turn up the pressure 🧨.

💌Any News from Luigi?

Luigi’s still in jail, but he’s keeping busy—mostly reviewing the 15,000 pages of evidence stacked against him (casual bedtime reading, really). He requested a laptop to speed things up, but the prosecutors freaked out 🙈. Luigi just wanted to read PDFs, not stage a prison break. Meanwhile, the internet has turned him into a full-blown folk hero, complete with memes, merch, and maybe a future biopic starring Timothée Chalamet. Justice system pending. Eyebrows? Undefeated.

🫵 Call to Action

Oh, you’re still here? Good. Because we’ve got a workshop for you.

Apparently, “Greed is a curable disease”—and The Climate Propagandist, along with the Planet Poster Awards 🏆 is hosting a free workshop to help you turn rage and sarcasm into actual creative weapons. You know, the fun stuff.

📅 April 10th, 2025

🕔 5-6:30PM CEST / 11-12:30 EDT

📍 Online: Click here to join

Skip the feel-good campaigns and make something that actually pisses people off—in a good way.

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